found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
