Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What drink are we having for lunch?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
