before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
