Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
