The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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