I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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