Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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