her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
