I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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