I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
