winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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