Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
