Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
