I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And then he peed in my hair
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