Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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