I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
