It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
