How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
