I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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