drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think people are normalizing furries
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
