i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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