Got a toothbrush?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
