This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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