so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My feet surprised me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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