Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
its liver damage thursday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
