Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
