Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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