Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
