I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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