i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
