Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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