So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
