I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
