I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
