Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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