tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
