Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
