i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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