HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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