woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
