Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
