Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
