The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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