I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
