when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
