I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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