Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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