I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
