I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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