You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
they call him Oral-B. enough said
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
