You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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