Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
