i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
