I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
