I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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