I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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