So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
