last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
