I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
