mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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