dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
