the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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