Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
