She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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