Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
