so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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