it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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