So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
