it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize