kristin has been a bad kristin
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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