I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
