she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
