Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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