I think my vagina is haunted
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
