just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I just sharted jello shots
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
