morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
